One of the more unsettling feelings that I’ve dealt with since finding out that I failed the bar exam is an overall sense that I was left behind. It started almost immediately when it seemed that everyone around me had passed but somehow, I hadn’t. While others were celebrating clearing this huge hurdle and moving on to greater opportunity, I was still stuck in limbo.

Thankfully, two things helped me to work through these feelings. The first came in a conversation with my parents. When I described this feeling to them, they gave me this advice: It’s not about anyone else. It’s not about your friends. It’s not about your classmates. It’s not even about us. It’s about you and your career.  My parents helped me to realize that by focusing on feeling left behind, I wasn’t concentrating on what was really important, which was getting up, dusting myself off, and figuring out what needed to be done next. It was ok to be disappointed, but beating myself up by wallowing in the notion that I’d choked when others hadn’t was counterproductive. What was more important was learning from the situation, using it to better myself, and plotting a new trajectory.

The second thing that helped me was reaching out to others who also didn’t pass. For the first couple of days, I didn’t know of a single person besides myself who’d failed, but I knew they were out there. I desperately wanted to reach out to them, not for the sake of perpetuating the adage that “misery loves company,” but for comradery, and comfort in the knowledge that I wasn’t alone. When we finally started to find one another, it helped me to realize that it wasn’t the end of the world and that our time would soon come as well. Many of them were already on their feet and taking steps to prepare for the next exam. Through them, I found inspiration to help me move forward.

The feeling of being left behind is still very much present. It comes up whenever my colleagues post about getting interviews and starting new jobs. But by recognizing that the feeling is ultimately misguided, and that I’m not alone, I’m able to keep those feelings at bay. This not only allows me to join my colleagues in their happiness, but to also stay focused on what’s most important: finishing strong in February.

Q